My last goodbye....

For years now

I’ve held you

In my hands.

Felt you,

On my fingers.

Felt your touch

On these lips.

Kissed and tasted

Your fragile frame.

My emotions afire,

In my room unlit,

Sat alone with you.

Feeling your warmth.

You were always

So close to me

For years running,

Like does my blood

Through my now purple veins.

But I leave you now

Love, for my love,

Three more days

Though you’d still be here,

 I’d see you with men,

Be they strange or known,

Cause for years now,

I’ve known,

You had no soul,

Never a heart,

And I’ll move on,

To a likeness of you,

Another fake face,

To fake another love,

Though there would still be smoke,

But I’d have doused the fire,

I’m through with those stains,

For years spent together,

For all the love I had,

I’ve but to offer,

My last goodbye....

Cursed intellect….

Trying to destroy,
the fortress of god,
his imagination his sword,
defying every reprise,
of dreams dead,
or those,
that barely survived,
clenched fists,
pursed lips,
scorching minds,
with the tip,
of his pen,
he'll prise open,
all the doors,
to your safest heaven,

or otherwise,
he just might
play with words,
lessen the pain,
fight like the devil,
this utter disdain,
spinning webs in silence,
trapping,
a few drops of rain,
fallen leaves,
flying on the wind,
and buzzing thoughts,
that are his prey....

oblivious,
to the bliss of ignorance,
he trains,
to see through the mist,
cursed he is,
as he just might,
against all odds,
try to exist,
cursed with intellect,
and yet he himself,
might be cursing it ...

Born to be wild....

What can i say?
Easily the best song song ever had it not been for Harley davidson and the marlboro man...

Get your motor running
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
In whatever comes our way

Yeah, darling
Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once and
Explode into space

I like smoke and lightning
Heavy metal thunder
Racing in the wind
And the feeling that I'm under

Yeah, darling
Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once and
Explode into space

Like a true nature child
We were born
Born to be wild
We have climbed so high
Never want to die
Born to be wild
Born to be wild

She's so cold....

I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her

I'm so hot for her and she's so cold

I'm so hot for her, I'm on fire for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold

I'm the burning bush, I'm the burning fire
I'm the bleeding volcano
I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold

Yes, I tried re-wiring her, tried re-firing her
I think her engine is permanently stalled
She's so cold she's so cold
She's so cold cold cold
Like a tombstone
She's so cold, she's so cold
she's so cold cold cold like a ice cream cone
She's so cold she's so cold
And when I touch her my hand just froze

Yeah, I'm so hot for hot for her, I'm so hot for her
I'm so hot for her and grievin' so
Put your hand on the heat, put your hand on the heat
Aw C'mon baby, let's go

She's so cold, she's so cold, cold, she's so c-c-c-old
But she's beautiful, though

Yeah, they're so cold

She's so cold, she's so cold
I think she was born in a arctic zone
She's so cold she's so cold, cold, cold
And when I touch her my hand just froze

She's so cold, she's so goddamn cold she's so
Cold cold cold she's so cold

Who would believe you were a beauty indeed
When the days get shorter and the nights get long
Light fades and the rain comes
Nobody will know, when you're old
When you're old, nobody will know
that you was a beauty, a sweet sweet beauty
A sweet sweet beauty, but stone stone cold

You're so cold, you're so cold, cold, cold           
You're so cold, you're so cold

I'm so hot for you, i'm so hot for you
I'm so hot for you and you're so cold

I'm the burning bush, I'm the burning fire
I'm the bleeding volcano

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro man

It's all the same, only the names will change
Everyday it seems we're wasting away
Another place where the faces are so cold
I'd drive all night just to get back home

I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive

Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days
And the people I meet always go their separate ways
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
And times when you're alone all you do is think


I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back
I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back
I been everywhere, and I'm standing tall
I've seen a million faces an I've rocked them all

I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted dead or alive
I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side
I'm wanted dead or alive
And I ride, dead or alive
I still drive, dead or alive
Dead or alive ...

Life is weird and I'm high.....

Life’s weird, and its ways – weirder. You spend years thinking you want to be someone, or be with someone and then when it actually happens, you realize this isn’t what you wanted from your life.

Life- a cipher that’s hard to interpret, harder yet to write.

It’s been a few years that I was in love. (I’m not the one to count). And after a heartbreak I’ve found my rhythm now (at least that’s what I think), And I can tell you this, It wasn’t easy nor it was hard. It was just different, the trip back from the city called love. And let me tell you this – I’ve been deeply touched, by its magic. Love is like a monster, sleeping deep inside you, resting after the ravages it caused the last time it was awake. And when it further awakes it would but consume your world in a never ending fury, and the thing about love is- You’d like it.

So here I am, thinking of what is, was and what could be. What I was? What I’ve become and what I would be? I think about it at times, but to no avail. Thinking doesn’t help. Believe me. It doesn’t help at all. All that ever comes out of such introspection is a conclusion. And a temporary one at that (Like you wanted to eat choco vanilla ice cream but it isn’t available and you are then forced to settle for strawberry instead). So I had a few choices. Be depressed, or be suppressed or to be liberated. Now, I am not an escapist. But I’ve read enough physics to know that when there’s too much friction you need a lubricant. And that’s what I did, I do, and I would do.  Lubricate the machinery that they call mind in order to get a free flow of what they call thoughts. Now there are ways of doing things and I think I didn’t decide on one in particular, but simply chose the one readily available. Ease of access you see. Right or wrong? Who knows but god? I let him decide and I ask you to comment. Not on the habits but the very psyche of the deep rooted evil that emanates from one’s self every now and then to engulf existence, finally giving you relief and a lot more worries then you actually started with. We live, we die. But only a few are able to ask questions and make confessions. I’d do both. This is not the prologue, or a chapter of a novel that you might or might not want to read. It’s simply the experience of a man as common as you or him. Till then I hope you’ll keep giving me what I need most. The strength to tell, narrate and relate the truth.

Across the universe...

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru deva om.

Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
and call me on and on across the universe.
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box,
They stumble blindly as they make their way across the universe.
Jai guru deva om.

Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of love are ringing through my open mind,
Inciting and inviting me.
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns,
It calls me on and on across the universe.
Jai guru deva om.

Nothing's gonna change my world (8X)


Jai guru deva,
Jai guru deva,
Jai guru deva,
Jai guru deva...

Sunbeam

Sun beam...

It sneaks in,

from the window,
un-curtained but not open,
through the glass pane,
that was broken,
last night, during the storm
that came in and surprised,
me and my life,
and left but left,
both of us shattered..

It sneaks in and travels,
to my bed,
it's sheets disheveled,
spread eagled now,
like a halo cast around,
my crumpled dreams,
it lies there and plays,
on my pillow,
with a lonely silken thread,
that accidentally must have,

fallen out of her head,

My room unlit,
but now glowing,
basking in the glory,
of its cozy warmth,
still and silent, I look on,
trying to block,
those dark memories,
that surface,
with those waves of sorrow,
that continue unabated,
forcing me to look behind,
and into the past,
where lies my love,
and where rests,
it's carcass …..

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It's Diwali.....

It's been a strange day today... there has been this air of festivities all around me and i still can't wait for this day to be over..

Deepawali... the brightest day day in the lives all hindus... and though i can still identify with this day somehow the brightness has me dazed... Is it real? This joy all around me... or is it a momentary euphoria destined to die out by dawn?

I watch from my workstation as every one in my team is dancing. they are all excited, they are all smiling, most of them are in fact, laughing. It feels great... makes me smile... It's such a treat to see them all bouncing off the walls... all that joy...  but that really doesn't matter... For some of them I'd still be acting pricy or showing attitude or acting weird... I'd still be kept at distance...to be handled carefully...Cause i don't feel like dancing... cause i can't identify with all this or be a part of it, it won't matter how much i appreciate it. Some though might simply let me be... none though would be appreciating me (I mean my choice).

What is it with our psyche? a country of unity in diversity and if one of us fails to do what everyone else is doing that person is kept next only to an out cast...

What the hell ever happened to individual choices...

Have we all become so used to of living as a mob that now we need to be part of one if we want an identity.

Was man always a man?

Or was it a moment?
That so described,
his being,
bound his faith,
to this sudden fate,
of living in aversion,

was there ever glory?
In his deeds,
or in his words,
when pages by pages,
he wrote the greatest sin,
dividing himself,
by religion,

was this what he wanted?
when his uncouth self,
made him feel revered,
amidst all the ugly deeds,
still an animal,
so caught in his own version,

was there ever a man,
or is it just a story,
of lives laid waste,

For the love of glory,

Was man always thus?

Caught in the ruptures,
of a bleeding civilization,

was there ever a man?
who looked into the mirror,
and what he saw he could stand?
Was there ever?
A man,

or is it just? A delusion...

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This Looping existence....

It's hard to understand why we do certain things... It's harder to understand why we want to do certain things...

but the hardest of all is to understand why despite wanting, dying for and crying for certain things we don't even try to do them... 

we sit at the window and watch world go about in circles, just like we do all the time and the thing i hate the most about circles is - they never end.

And you keep looping around your own existence.....

If a circle is what my life has to be... let it at least be of my choice...let me choose the color if not the circumference, let me choose the speed at which i loop if not the direction in which i loop... 


And i will cry,
If i ever could realize,
what the words would cost?
when spilled on paper,
and left to accumulate,
some wet and rotten,
some hidden between the lines,
Still dry.

and tell me why?
should i not forsake,
this bleeding existence,
that has me chained,
reduced to an invisible wound,
Aching to be destroyed,
in the face of my dreams,
another lie...



 









Applies to the text only- 
(
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 India License.)

 

So this is what it's like,
to live a dream in this life,
Walking through the haze,
of your visions, blurred
by those untold lies,
that keep floating in your eyes.


so this is what love can do,
and you have to see it yourself,
even though you knew,
where the shredded pieces,
of this life will fall,
for you to pick up and sort,
trying to make a memory of it all,

so while you say your goodbyes,
I'll forever close my eyes,
let life be what it has to be,
its color holds no promise for me,

damp memories I'll have to find,
strewn in the recesses of my mind.....


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Applies to the text only.

Rama Vs. Dinosaurs

Well. Life’s strange (and I guess you’re tired of me saying that every time we talk). But how can I avoid saying that? Someone asked me today if Ram was born in Kalyug. I said no. then they asked whether Ram was born before or after dinosaurs. There could have been a million answers based on billions of researches but I simply said. Dinos were there when god didn’t exist. And by the time Rama was born we had had seen 6 incarnations of god almighty. We often forget that this relationship with god is symbiotic in nature. Both are the creator of each other. And neither can live if the other doesn’t survive.  

 We are born and we are born raw. And then the processing begins, several thousand years of programming is fed into our drives within a span of few years… people would say Steve Jobs was great. That Microsoft revolutionized the world. I’d rather salute the guys who invented religion.  

What was there before Noah was life. What he left for us to live is life. And in between is the biggest broken link in my understanding, what was it that man did to deserve an Armageddon back then. I try and think of a lot of things but don’t see anything that we haven’t done several thousand times over since then… May be god’s an opportunist who saw the floods coming and capitalized on the information, and I don’t blame him.. look at his career graph, a straight line with the arrow pointing straight at sky (pun intended). All you MBA’s and IT engineers should be able to buy this. Information is what made Reuters what it is today.

And before this blog gets banned I’m no anti Christ. I don’t want to bring a revolution of sorts or anything like that. I’m simply drunk… take it at face value or read the other posts. 

(Lol,… I forgot…. you haven’t seen my face.... so I guess you’d have to do the later)

Like I said beliefs are shallow and unstable. But the thing I hate the most about them is they are unnatural. If you recall saying that you were born with a certain belief think again… and if that doesn’t help try remembering how you felt when you were born. And if you can remember all that call up American psychology association or the Indian institute of human behavior and applied sciences. They would to even pay for you to become the subject of their research. And I won’t charge a consultation fee… a bottle of rum will be enough...



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Age of lonliness - Enigma

Carly don't be sad
Life is crazy
Life is mad
Don't be afraid
Carly Don't be sad
That's your destiny
The only chance
Take it, take it in your hands........

The mirror

Unrelenting...
on the walls of
my imagination, it sat,
Its gaze unwavering,

determined every grain,
of my malignant existence,
resolute not to look at
my image, that kept shattering,

the mirror of introspection,

undeceived uncorrupted,
painting my conscience
with the strokes of guilt,
tainting my tongue,
with the truth of what i had done,

it left me stammering....


 
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